It has been a few weeks since my last post. As you know, life gets busy at times. In my last entry, I mentioned that my family and I have been experiencing the pain and heartache from watching my mom battle cancer. This has lead to some interesting discussions with my family (brother and sister) and specifically with my children. I have children ages 11, 8, and 5. My 8-year old girl is especially struggling with her grandma’s illness and eventual death. This has caused me to pull out a book I read in mortuary school titled Talking About Death: A Dialogue Between Parent and Child by Rabbi Earl A. Grollman. As a funeral professional, I always get asked if people should involve children in a funeral. I respond with a resounding YES!
My daughter is grieving just as much as I am and if her grieving is not handled properly, it could have a harmful effect on her. Rabbi Grollman shares in his book the following information:
“Grief is an expression of love. Mourning is an appropriate emotion for people of all ages….Youngsters should not be deprived of the right to grieve. They should no more be excluded from sharing grief and sorrow than they should be prevented from demonstrating joy and happiness.” (page 49)
“Children who are able to participate with their families after the death of someone they love will be better equipped to understand and manage the emotions of their grief.” (page 40)
As a family, we have pulled out the old boxes of family photos and photo albums. My daughter has been there as we have talked about the memories behind each photo. I have asked her what photos she thinks we should put in a memorial slide show about grandma, and she has excitedly voiced her opinion. I have found comfort with her as I share my memories of mom, thus creating a therapeutic means of dealing with our emotions surrounding my mother’s pending death. Look for ways to involve children. It could be as simple as looking at photos or having them write a note to be placed in the casket of their loved one. No matter what we do we cannot avoid the fact that our children are grieving as well. Do not forget our little ones when it comes to death.
I am Brandon W. Burningham, CFSP, CPC, and I thought you might like to know.
Brandon W. Burningham CFSP, CPC